How Lopa Got Her Groove Back
I’ll be the first to admit I was a tad disappointed that I wasn’t immediately transformed into a Flaming Sex Goddess with my first luscious sip of Spicy Rose Cacao Rasa.
Yeah, this was decidedly not me.
My husband would be the second.
For years, I’d hear people suggest the connection between sexual energy and creative energy, and while I understood it cognitively, and it made sense—that whole “have sex/make babies” thing—but it wasn’t a felt experience.
Until last year, when “pouring my heart out” took on a whole new meaning and I found myself resisting my husband’s advances with A Look that said, “Um DUH I’m not interested, have you seen what I’m out there creating in the world?!?”
So, yeah. Basically, my nether regions have been a complete dead zone for about the last year, much to the chagrin of my hot husband.
It's called "desertification," baby.
I drank Spicy Rose with hope...but not too much hope, because I knew it might take a minute to get the engine started again, and I didn’t want to risk suffering—or delivering—a crushing letdown.
It started when I was maybe 3 days in, drinking Spicy Rose 1-2 times a day, a little strong (I prefer brewing with a heaping tablespoon).
I walked out of a packaging meeting to go to the bathroom and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...and it was such a simple thing, and yet I think I’ll always remember that moment of noticing the curve in my hips in a different way.
It was almost as if my lens of perception had shifted somehow. I saw myself as sensual, for the first time in a sadly-long time.
Without trying or intending to, I appreciated my own body as I would appreciate a beautiful image with textures and curves and lighting that nourishes and entices the eyes.
Over the next couple days, a...stirring...started to happen. Subtle reminders that I have a nether-region. Tingles down yonder.
Touch started becoming more interesting, and I remembered something a sex-coach acquaintance teaches: touch for your pleasure. In casual moments throughout the day, I touched my husband in a way that I enjoy.
And then, the Big Day: V-Day. I had planned a surprise night in a hotel with my hubs—arranged childcare and everything, and he had no idea. Pressure was on: I had to “perform.” I was nervous.
I’m reminded of how much of the erotic experience is about the details, and that there’s a reason that flowers, chocolate, oysters, wine, lingerie, and candles are all such a thing for romance.
We ate a wonderful dinner (that included oysters). The just-right-amount of wine (for us, splitting the wine pairing offered with our fancy dinner). I wore lingerie (scroll down for photo. KIDDING.)
When we got into the hotel room (he was SO surprised and delighted), I lit candles, put on a robe that felt just sumptuous on my skin. But...
I wasn’t horny. I felt GOOD, but not “omg take me now” good.
I tried to be easy on myself—pressuring myself wasn’t going to fix the situation! The word “allow” came to me, and I held it in my mind. I decided to just stay open and see what unfolded.
And quite naturally, without trying, an energetic unfolding happened within me: like a gentle unspiraling from my head (which is always holding hundreds of details), into my body, which drank in the experience of allowing it to do what it does best: feel.
The experience was transcendent while also being so very present and earthly. I was amazed by how natural and easy it felt to just be a gently undulating sensate being, and found my mind wandering to the thought “Ben is a genius!” more than a few times.
Was it some of the best sex of my life? Well, yes, actually, it was.
But what’s more is...it actually, like, opened a door within me. I don’t know how else to describe it besides that, because since that day—drinking Spicy Rose every other day or so—I’ve felt DESIRE again! Miracle of miracles!!
Like I said, Ben is a genius.
I’m looking forward to hearing about any Spicy Rose babies born in November this year! If you wanna name yours Rasa, we’ll be OK with that ;)
And also, setting the stage of sensuality felt like a key piece to it all, and an important reminder to nourish our senses. In the Indian ritual tradition (pūjā) I studied and practiced , it’s said that everything you experience is an offering to the gods of the senses.
And in fact, one of the translations of the Sanskrit word rasa is “to delight in existence.”
And so: we offer Spicy Rose as an offering to the gods of your senses. May you delight in existence.
Author: Lopa van der Mersch