Got Libido? A Valentine's Message (with Experiments to Try!) from Lopa
(It’s that time of year that I talk about my sex life, lol...I share in hopes that even one iota of this will be of service to you!)
The stressors of the last year can wreak havoc on anyone’s libido. A recent NYTimes article indicated that between a quarter to a third of couples are having less sex since before the pandemic...which is 1000% understandable, and also sad when you add up all the ways a little lovin’ could add some much-needed fun and connection to our lives!
My husband and I were feeling the struggle as much as anyone—2020 did a number on us, and on top of that, the overall load of parenting + startup life was already REALLY taxing my libido (or “what libido?”, I should say).
So we embarked on some deep work on our relationship*...and it’s working! If you had told me a month ago that I’d be excited to have sex, even to the point of wanting it (daily!), I would have assumed you’d be suggesting I was in trials for female Viagra or something.
The secret for us? A combination of Karezza & Spicy Rose. Liberal amounts of both. 🙂
Spicy Rose you may know about, but what the heck is Karezza? Simply put, Karezza (or the Karezza Method) is non-orgasmic, slow sex.
Before we go any further into this, I want to make it explicitly clear that I am putting absolutely zero shame on orgasm, pleasure, or having sex however you darn well please. This isn’t about one thing being better than another...it’s simply about something that’s working for me, and I’m sharing it with you in case it helps you, too!
OK, back to the program. I could go on (& on!) about how floored I am with the results of doing Karezza. I feel like it literally opened up a new dimension of sex and sensuality in our relationship and in my own experience of my body.
Without going too deep into the science, the fundamental reason Karezza can have such powerful impacts is because it’s shifting your neurochemistry from dopamine being primary between you and your partner (or you and yourself!) to oxytocin being the primary neurotransmitter.
- Dopamine is the neurotransmitter most closely associated with addiction, and indeed can come with a letdown/hangover effect.
- Oxytocin is the neurotransmitter of connection, and is one of those ones that we kind of can’t get too much of in our lives (and fascinatingly, recent studies on addiction have shown that the antidote to addiction is... connection! 🤯🤯🤯).
If you would like to embark on a Karezza experiment, I recommend this article as a starting point.
So what does Rasa have to do with it?
For many of us, the herbs in Spicy Rose work. Let’s just say that my husband brews me up a french press when he’s feeling amorous. 😉
But what I’ve found for my own body is that it actually does take a little time to build up in my system, especially if I’m feeling depleted. The herbs in Spicy Rose work on libido in multiple ways, and some of those deeper reserves of energy available for sexuality can take time to replenish.
Additionally, Spicy Rose has 4 kinds of aphrodisiacs:
- Relaxing Herbs: helpful when tension and stress inhibit your flow;
- Stimulating Herbs: for when you need a little extra fire;
- Circulatory Herbs: to help get your blood flowing to all the right places;
- Herbs for the Emotional Heart: subtle permissions to open to yourself, your partner, and your life
Each of these can help us access the subtlety available in sensuality...and many of us can use the help! Modern life can keep us pretty stuck in our heads, and getting a little herbal nudge to nourish our nethers...it helps!
And that experience of sensual subtlety is so uncannily compatible with the Karezza Method.
The demands of modern society predispose us to living in our heads...and for most of us, that head-centered focus clamps down on bodily desire.
The herbs in Calm are an effective way to calm the shen. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, shen is known as the heartmind and is considered the home of our spirit. When we relax and settle into our hearts, we are more available for intimate connection.
Calm contains six deeply calming herbs in powerful extracts to help support this transition from head to heart / logistics to surrender / anxiety to spaciousness.
So if you’d like to land in a Valentine’s Day that feels like a sanctuary of abundant sensual possibility (even amidst all the chaos and stress), here’s the protocol I recommend:
if only for the sake of experiment, try having no orgasms (either alone or with your partner). If and when you do have sex, bring in principles of Karezza - move slowly, make lots of eye contact, smile at each other often, and share both spoken and unspoken appreciation with your partner. It might feel different at first but I promise it starts to feel very natural!
For 7 Days Before V-Day
- To replenish the deep energy reserves responsible for libido-making, drink 2 (8-oz) cups of Spicy Rose in the morning.
- In the late afternoon or evening, drink 2 cups of Spicy Rose brewed with Calm in a 50/50 ratio (1 tbsp each).
The Big Day
Set the stage for romance - take extra care of your beautiful body, wear something that makes you feel delicious, and beautify your room with flowers, candles, and some mood music (check out our Sexy Spicy Rose playlist here). Make yourself a Spicy Calm cocktail or mocktail, and enjoy it together...and let the moment take you away!
Let us know any questions you have...and if you give all this a try, we’d LOVE to hear how it goes for you! 👇
* If you would like to do the same program my husband and I are doing for our relationship, email email@example.com for details on his exclusive Relating Revolution program. It’s literally changing our brains, our relationship, and our lives. The next program starts in March. Neither I nor Rasa receive any financial incentive for sharing this with you, I just want you to know about really good things. 🙂
Author: Lopa van der Mersch